We’re all on quests. Our lives are mythic journeys to discover who we are and our life’s purpose. We don’t see it that way. We see our lives in daily increments: Today, I have to do the laundry, go to work, grocery shop, etc. We don’t think about our bigger journeys very often. Sometimes, though, something forces us to pause. What AM I doing with my life?
Yesterday was one of those days. Don’t ask me why. I had enough on my to-do list, no time to stroll along the beach and think deep thoughts. But ,sometimes, the big moments come along when you’re squeezed for time and busy unpacking cardboard boxes.
My first AHA moment was about 9am. I wrote an email to a publisher who wanted to publish my murder mystery a couple years ago, but, at the time, I told him, “I’m not ready yet.” What was I thinking? It was suddenly clear that I had to tell him, I want to be a writer, I want you to publish my book. I pressed SEND right away. No more messing around. Number two AHA was 10am. I signed up for a writing workshop that I’d been thinking about taking for months. Well Sandy, are you a writer or not? Are you living a writer’s life or not? Hmmm. Kind of. Not really. You know why? Because I think I’m not ready yet. There’s that ready thing again. Sandy, just press SEND.
1pm. I met a woman for lunch. She told me a story about how she was planning on doing all these cool personal growth things and then came up against this woman who was a “dream crusher.” Splat. It was like running into a wall. So, I started thinking about how many dream crushers there really are in life-some of them sometimes cleverly disguised as family and friends. Here are their voices: You’re not good enough. You don’t deserve it You’re not ready yet. Recognize any of them?
For me, the dream crushers are not so much external voices. The dream crushers are in me. I am my own dream crusher!
I have to learn to fight off these dream crushers every day. I have to imagine that I’m in Lord of the Rings, and I’m on my own journey to my personal growth mountain top, and there are evil meanie troll-dream-crushers behind every bush, and I have to fight them off in order to get where I need to go. I have to take out my sword. I have to cut off the heads of the dream crushers. I have to press SEND on my life’s journey.