Sandy Gingras

Friendship

SWAMPED

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Swamped - ebook-2I am excited to tell you that my first mystery novel, SWAMPED, is now published. It is available as an ebook and soon will be available in print.

Many people don’t know that I write “other things.” They think I just write and illustrate gift books. But I have been busy for years writing poetry and creative non-fiction and mystery novels. SWAMPED is the first in a comic/cozy series. The second novel in the series, BEACHED, won the Debut Dagger Award in 2012 (which is an award given by the Crime Writer’s Association for best unpublished novel). It’s still unpublished—but I’m working on that…

If you are curious about SWAMPED, this is a little bit of what it’s about:

Nobody goes to Florida in June. Except Lola Polenta. But, when you’re running away from your awful marriage, your boring teaching career and your life in New Jersey, you have to run to somewhere, right?

Except what happens when, if on the first night in your new home, you’re walking your dog and you trip and fall on top of a dead guy? What happens when the detective investigating the death (who also happens to be incredibly cute) thinks you killed the guy?

What happens is you better figure out who DID kill him.

But that’s not easy when you’re only on Lesson Two of the Online Private Detective Training Institute…

Dream Crusher

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We’re all on quests. Our lives are mythic journeys to discover who we are and our life’s purpose. We don’t see it that way. We see our lives in daily increments: Today, I have to do the laundry, go to work, grocery shop, etc. We don’t think about our bigger journeys very often. Sometimes, though, something forces us to pause. What AM I doing with my life?

Yesterday was one of those days. Don’t ask me why. I had enough on my to-do list, no time to stroll along the beach and think deep thoughts. But ,sometimes, the big moments come along when you’re squeezed for time and busy unpacking cardboard boxes.

My first AHA moment was about 9am. I wrote an email to a publisher who wanted to publish my murder mystery a couple years ago, but, at the time, I told him, “I’m not ready yet.” What was I thinking? It was suddenly clear that I had to tell him, I want to be a writer, I want you to publish my book. I pressed SEND right away. No more messing around. Number two AHA was 10am. I signed up for a writing workshop that I’d been thinking about taking for months. Well Sandy, are you a writer or not? Are you living a writer’s life or not? Hmmm. Kind of. Not really. You know why? Because I think I’m not ready yet. There’s that ready thing again. Sandy, just press SEND.

1pm. I met a woman for lunch. She told me a story about how she was planning on doing all these cool personal growth things and then came up against this woman who was a “dream crusher.” Splat. It was like running into a wall. So, I started thinking about how many dream crushers there really are in life-some of them sometimes cleverly disguised as family and friends. Here are their voices: You’re not good enough. You don’t deserve it You’re not ready yet. Recognize any of them?

For me, the dream crushers are not so much external voices. The dream crushers are in me. I am my own dream crusher!

I have to learn to fight off these dream crushers every day. I have to imagine that I’m in Lord of the Rings, and I’m on my own journey to my personal growth mountain top, and there are evil meanie troll-dream-crushers behind every bush, and I have to fight them off in order to get where I need to go. I have to take out my sword. I have to cut off the heads of the dream crushers. I have to press SEND on my life’s journey.

Just Do It

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OK, so I’ve had a toothache for two weeks now.

My husband wants me to call the dentist again this morning. I already went back to the dentist once (we fixed your problem!) and called them again a couple days later (we’re on vacation!). So, now, not only do I have to call an answering machine, but they’re going to refer me to a new (I don’t want to go) dentist, an oral (oh no) surgeon.

So, I’m sitting here on my couch eating cookies (mushy ones) for breakfast, chewing on my left side wondering how long I can go on with this denial. My husband is a gotta-problem?, solve-it kind of guy. There’s no getting around him. He’s at the gym, coming home any minute. I know the first words out of his mouth are going to be, “Did you call the dentist?”

I’m thinking maybe the pain will go away…

I’m thinking maybe I could eat not-too-cold, not-too-hot oatmeal and take Advil three times a day for the rest of my life…

In my mind, there’s a whole wide world of denial and anxiety between a problem rearing its head and my solving the problem. I know all of you don’t have toothaches like me, but you’re probably in the anxiety/denial wasteland about SOMETHING in your life. For me, there’s always something…

My father, an efficient problem-solver like my husband, used to tell me, “Turn in the direction of the skid.” He meant, face the problem. “I know, I know,” I’d tell him, “But I have to work myself up to it.” “I have to work myself up” is my way of saying, “Leave me alone, I’m going to suffer needlessly and waste my life away for a while, but thank you for your concern.”

There’s really no way around these things though. I know, I’ve tried everything. You can spend weeks, months, a lifetime avoiding the problem.

I know, I know.

There’s only one way out. JUST DO IT.

I would like those NIKE people to go to the dentist for me.

Stop Walking

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stop-walking

 

I forget that, in every journey, there are pauses.  It’s not all forward motion, not all highway.  I think of all the vacations I’ve been on—it’s the stops along the way that I remember most.  For all of us, it’s the places that we pull off the road, look at the view, stop and have lunch, stay the night that matter.

At yet, when we talk about our personal journey to become ourselves, we don’t take into account the lulls, the places we pause to catch our breath, the quiet rest stops along the way.  I’m always frustrated when I hit spots in my life where it feels like nothing is happening.  When I feel like I’m in between things.  When I’m not DOING a lot.

But something is happening all the time even in the quietest moments—maybe ESPECIALLY in the quietest moments.

This is what I have to remember.  The road to becoming your true self is long.  It’s not all about action.  So give yourself a couple pauses today.  Stop and just breathe.  It smells like almost-spring, doesn’t it?  Look at those daffodils buds waiting for their moment to shine.   Take a moment to be thankful.  Consider it a valuable part of your journey.

 

Sunshine

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sunshine designOK, it’s going to snow again tomorrow. So, we all need to work together to create some sunshine. Let’s all try to think “heat,” “piña colada,” “palm tree.” They say that if you can imagine it, you can create it. So, let’s all work together on the tropical island idea.

Path

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I had a dream last night that I was lost. I was on a path and there were forks in the road, and I had no idea which way to go. There were people in the dream pointing here and there, but I didn’t know if I could trust them. I think this is a true dream. I am a little lost these days, shifting gears, trying new things, not knowing if they are right for me. These are the choices before me today—doing a website, doing a blog, writing a novel, designing a greeting card or a tea towel or a candle. The fact of my life is, I can’t do EVERYTHING. I have to choose. And it’s not just a choice of what to do today, but it’s a choice of what matters most to me. What I keep in my life. And what I have to let go of.

I don’t remember how the dream turned out. Bummer. Sometimes, it feels like there are answers right on the edge of your consciousness, but you just can’t reach them. But, a good thing about my life lately is, I have to write a blog on Monday mornings. I have to find a page out of one of my own books, and read it, write about it. So, this practice forces me to search inside myself for my own answers.

So, this morning, I was paging around, looking for something to guide me. I like signs. I believe in them. I think things APPEAR to you when you most need them. I read this little essay which I wrote for my son. You know how you want the best for your kids—how you’re always telling them, “Do what you love.”? How they always looks at you like, THAT’S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!”

But this little essay is not so much about doing what you love as it is taking a step toward what you love. Which is different. Everyone can take a step. So, today, I’m taking a step. This is not to say that I still won’t be lost. I may very well be. But, I’ll be one step closer to what I love. Which, I believe, is a step in the right direction.